Being an integrated person, meaning a genuine bond between body and mind, I struggle a lot with thoughts of a rift in my spiritual life if I don't feel great physically or emotionally.
I am there this week. The depression, my old friend who has been calling on and off since I can remember, visits again this week and seemingly in a new and "improved" force. It is a battle to remember that all is well in the unseen even though it is rocky in the seen and felt. I wonder if I will EVER learn this truth. It takes a very conscious effort to stay on the truth in this place. When the apathy sets in like concrete every arrow imaginable lets loose.

I was supposed to meet my mom in Atlanta today to spend few days with my sister and her kids. Mom is sick, so the trip is postponed. I think was are all sad about it, particularly the kids. They have experienced a lot of disappointment in the last few years, so it is painful for me to think of more disappointment for them.

I woke up with Ayiesha Woods' song "Big Enough" in my head, turned on the radio and it was playing......ended up at 2 Corinthians 4:16-18 somehow through a rather frustrating prayer time.
These wondrous ways that God speaks to me.....reminding me again, and again, and again with such patience.

"You turned water into wine - how extraordinary
Gave sight to the blind - and still I carry My own load
when you told me To take your yoke ‘cause yours is easy
And even though my issues seem trivial
You alone are never too imperial
It's just the way that you love me
It's enough to convince me

And I don't wanna box you in
You've been doing big things since the world began
Sometimes I just don't wanna believe
That you're big enough - but you're big enough yeah!
I don't wanna box you in
You've been doing big things since the world began
Sometimes I just don't understand that you're big enough
But you're big enough Jesus!

You turned darkness into light - keep my lamp burning
And you are my everything
There's no denying, your love is so amazing
And even though my problems seem typical
Nothing for you is ever too difficult
You never have reservations - love without limitations

And I don't wanna box you in
You've been doing big things since the world began
Sometimes I just don't wanna believe
That you're big enough - but you're big enough yeah!
And I don't wanna box you in
You've been doing big things since the world began
Sometimes I just don't understand
That you're big enough - but you're big enough

Oh, no matter how I try to get around it - I'm reminded
Wherever I go I'm totally surrounded
It's all about you - I can never doubt you
Even if I wanted to…..."

I don't think this organized religion thing is working out...........

I am meditating a lot on the essential mix of grace and truth in these weeks. I see a serious lack of one or the other in the church, in myself........

In our quest to be correct, to be right, to mark off our checklist we become the very pharisees we claim to hate.

I have been praying to see the gospel and understand it in its pristine form.