A few weeks a go I was on a support site for people who have or have had brain tumors. Someone posted that they felt like they did well through the diagnosis, surgery, and radiation, but really fell apart after the initial tornado passed through. For almost all of us, this beginning time moves quickly. There is a lot going on and a lot of people around for the initial crisis. In my case there were only eleven weeks from the ER to the end of radiation. Now it is waiting between MRIs and managing pain and medication, which can be beasts.
I really resonated with this person's question because I have felt very much that way in the last month or so. Being a person who has struggled with depression as long as I can remember, I find it visiting me in full force now with all its tentacles. The old familiar patterns of loneliness, fatigue, apathy and caving in are upon me. If you know, then you know. It is much like laying under a huge pile of clothes on the bed and they are so heavy, you cannot budge being forced to wrestle with body, mind and God. This is not always a bad place to be albeit painful. I am hoping in and waiting for God to bring about something beautiful.
The Lord will bring up the same scripture multiple times in a few days to get my attention. This has been very pronounced since my diagnosis. This is the most recent:
"Trust in the LORD with all your heart
And do not lean on your own understanding.
In all your ways acknowledge Him,
And He will make your paths straight."
Proverbs 3:5-6
Here is a link to the Art Benefit on November 5th my community, friends and family put together to help us with my medical expenses. Craig and I are so grateful and completely overwhelmed......
1 comment:
In the wake of my sweet mother's death from cancer and my own diagnosis, I, too had many, many dark dark dark days. Even in those, I had so much more clarity -- an open channel for the Holy Spirit to rain the Word of God into my soul. One verse that He gave sustains me still. Mark 14:34 where Jesus says, "I am overwhelmed with sorrow to the point of death...." Our merciful God allows his own son to endure such horrors of emotion -- even while the Christ knows his deliverence was at hand -- he willingly endured the battle and anguish of his immediate future. I KNOW I have a high priest who gets it all. He did not just redeem me from sin -- He gets it. He gets pain, suffering, death, battles with the devil. WHAT a savior. Tracey, I praise the Lord for your raw and beautiful testimony and pray that its fruit would be seen in many. Though I have only met you a few times -- please know that I mean it when I say that I love you, sister in Christ!!! You glorify the Lord!!!
Cheryl Tate Saucier
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