I am always so disappointed to see how slowly I change and grow. It is a product of growing up in the west where product is what it is all about. It is also a manafestation of the sinful desire to be in control. I seem to struggle with the same issues again and again. That recurrence makes me anxious and I begin to search myself for the why and why not over an issue. The scrutiny only uncovers more issues which in turn breeds more anxiety or more likely for my temperment, depression. Then I begin to freeze. Almost like a deer paralyzed by headlights I cannot get my eyes off of my problems. I become completely self focused, miserable and totally fruitless.
This is what the scripture speaks of when we set our minds on the flesh and the mind set on the flesh is death. The flesh is all about the self whether it in its relationship to others, ourselves or to God. I happen to have a judging sort of flesh so I list to myself all sorts of standards I need to meet, hence the aforementioned self examination. I am so convincing I even tell myself, "The Lord could make better use of me if I didn't have this issue." A good motivation, yes? It leads to death.
The word says implicitly that God will complete what He began in each of us and that He predestined us to be conformed to the image of Christ. I am convinced that what I do hinders that process because of my desire to control, be instantly gratified and feel better about myself, which is basically pretending to BE God.
Again and again we are called to do exactly the opposite of our nature: to surrender, to offer ourselves up, to relenquish control. It is a great paradox as most of God's principles are. It is not a place of "letting go and letting God" (I hate the phrase because it is a lie), but it is a place of becoming a child looking into the eyes of the Father waiting expectantly for what He wants to create in each of our lives. We are His workmanship.