Thursday, March 22, 2012

A Sunny Clearing

We are eight months into this journey of bitter sweetness. At times, it seems like we have been moving down this varied terrain for much longer. From the mysterious deep and treacherous wilderness, into the valley of the shadow of death and on through the exhausting dry and windswept desert.

Our MRI results from last week shows a beautiful picture of “nothing new” and a slow choking out of the small recurrence after Gamma Knife. A great sigh of relief sent us rolling up I-85 towards home on a sunny “Tuesday Afternoon.” Looking out the window I thought of the song. Somehow the words and multi-colored melody exemplified how I was feeling……

“Tuesday afternoon,
I'm just beginning to see, now I'm on my way
It doesn't matter to me, chasing the clouds away.
Something, calls to me,
The trees are drawing me near, I've got to find out why?
Those gentle voices I hear, explain it all with a sigh.
I'm looking at myself reflections of my mind,
It's just the kind of day to leave myself behind…

Passing by at 60 mph I I see the sun reflecting in an explosion of a million shades and hues of wood and leaves….of shade and light. Like sentinels they pass by in a steady stream creating in me a sense of expectation and mysterious longing I cannot quite scratch the surface of. Then…..every random once in a while the woods thins out revealing an open field drenched in sunshine. At this time, we have now come out into the bright clearing. For a time. No one stays in the open bright clearing on this terra firma. But for now, the Lord has brought us here, where He sees fit by His wisdom. We are grateful to rest for the time allotted here. Though we have fought at times to be grateful and fearless in the wilderness and in the lonely desert I am confident that He is at work His incomparable glory and for our the good and the good of those who walk with us.

“The LORD is righteous in all His ways
And kind in all His deeds.
The LORD is near to all who call upon Him,
To all who call upon Him in truth.
He will fulfill the desire of those who fear Him;
He will also hear their cry and will save them.
The LORD keeps all who love Him,
But all the wicked He will destroy.
My mouth will speak the praise of the LORD,
And all flesh will bless His holy name forever and ever…”

Psalm 145

Monday, March 05, 2012

God's Country

We are at six weeks out from Gamma Knife (or "Cyber Knife".....that sounds cooler.) and I have an MRI this Thursday the 8th at Mary Washington. I have had a few friends also battling GBM who haven't had great news recently, so I am eager to take a look inside. I continue every other Friday IV Avastin and daily Temodar until it no longer works or we reach the 18 month mark in the clear. We then enter into "no man's land" or a sort of uncharted territory for GBM. Either way, it's God's country.

So a little blue today and a bit nervous about the next week. I find myself wanting to hide beneath the covers and take my mind off of it all by sleeping. I tend to be a deep thinker and an over thinker. And, well, there are some serious possibilities. Yet the bottom line is it is out of my control and completely in the Lord's hands. May He do what is best according to His perfect will and for His own glory. I am battling to live there today or at least visit and am relieved to know that when I become overwhelmed and crawl into bed, He is there.

So pray with us for a clean scan and for God's leading as we walk this thing out with Him and all of you.

Also pray for my fellow comrade in the fight, Rachel. She has had a rough few weeks. First a grand mal seizure and a discouraging MRI. She is currently undergoing a brutal confrontation with chemo.

"Out of the depths have I cried unto thee, O LORD.Lord, hear my voice: let thine ears be attentive to the voice of my supplications...."

Psalm 140

"Do not fear, for I am with you; Do not anxiously look about you, for I am your God.

I will strengthen you, surely I will help you, Surely I will uphold you with My righteous right hand.’

“Behold, all those who are angered at you will be shamed and dishonored; Those who contend with you will be as nothing and will perish.

“You will seek those who quarrel with you, but will not find them, Those who war with you will be as nothing and non-existent.

“For I am the LORD your God, who upholds your right hand, Who says to you, ‘Do not fear, I will help you.’

Isaiah 41

Friday, March 02, 2012

Race for Hope 5K

Craig and I along with friends are running the Race for Hope 5K in May here in D.C. If you'd like to donate or run/walk with our team, go to my page here.