Thursday, May 15, 2008
For now we see through a glass darkly....
That glass can be so very dark at times. Even in the day to day...in the place of waiting, not just in the times of trial. I wear those glasses well, and it seems a rare thing when I get a momentary glimpse of God's glory, a flash of Him as He really is without my distorted vision and it as gone. I return to my limited sight which can be disheartening. As long as I am in this flesh will I always debase Him? Will I allow the wounds of the past to define Him? Can I not for one moment as the Message puts it "stick it out with Him for one hour?"
Wednesday, April 16, 2008
Being an integrated person, meaning a genuine bond between body and mind, I struggle a lot with thoughts of a rift in my spiritual life if I don't feel great physically or emotionally.
I am there this week. The depression, my old friend who has been calling on and off since I can remember, visits again this week and seemingly in a new and "improved" force. It is a battle to remember that all is well in the unseen even though it is rocky in the seen and felt. I wonder if I will EVER learn this truth. It takes a very conscious effort to stay on the truth in this place. When the apathy sets in like concrete every arrow imaginable lets loose.
I was supposed to meet my mom in Atlanta today to spend few days with my sister and her kids. Mom is sick, so the trip is postponed. I think was are all sad about it, particularly the kids. They have experienced a lot of disappointment in the last few years, so it is painful for me to think of more disappointment for them.
I woke up with Ayiesha Woods' song "Big Enough" in my head, turned on the radio and it was playing......ended up at 2 Corinthians 4:16-18 somehow through a rather frustrating prayer time.
These wondrous ways that God speaks to me.....reminding me again, and again, and again with such patience.
"You turned water into wine - how extraordinary
Gave sight to the blind - and still I carry My own load
when you told me To take your yoke ‘cause yours is easy
And even though my issues seem trivial
You alone are never too imperial
It's just the way that you love me
It's enough to convince me
And I don't wanna box you in
You've been doing big things since the world began
Sometimes I just don't wanna believe
That you're big enough - but you're big enough yeah!
I don't wanna box you in
You've been doing big things since the world began
Sometimes I just don't understand that you're big enough
But you're big enough Jesus!
You turned darkness into light - keep my lamp burning
And you are my everything
There's no denying, your love is so amazing
And even though my problems seem typical
Nothing for you is ever too difficult
You never have reservations - love without limitations
And I don't wanna box you in
You've been doing big things since the world began
Sometimes I just don't wanna believe
That you're big enough - but you're big enough yeah!
And I don't wanna box you in
You've been doing big things since the world began
Sometimes I just don't understand
That you're big enough - but you're big enough
Oh, no matter how I try to get around it - I'm reminded
Wherever I go I'm totally surrounded
It's all about you - I can never doubt you
Even if I wanted to…..."
I am there this week. The depression, my old friend who has been calling on and off since I can remember, visits again this week and seemingly in a new and "improved" force. It is a battle to remember that all is well in the unseen even though it is rocky in the seen and felt. I wonder if I will EVER learn this truth. It takes a very conscious effort to stay on the truth in this place. When the apathy sets in like concrete every arrow imaginable lets loose.
I was supposed to meet my mom in Atlanta today to spend few days with my sister and her kids. Mom is sick, so the trip is postponed. I think was are all sad about it, particularly the kids. They have experienced a lot of disappointment in the last few years, so it is painful for me to think of more disappointment for them.
I woke up with Ayiesha Woods' song "Big Enough" in my head, turned on the radio and it was playing......ended up at 2 Corinthians 4:16-18 somehow through a rather frustrating prayer time.
These wondrous ways that God speaks to me.....reminding me again, and again, and again with such patience.
"You turned water into wine - how extraordinary
Gave sight to the blind - and still I carry My own load
when you told me To take your yoke ‘cause yours is easy
And even though my issues seem trivial
You alone are never too imperial
It's just the way that you love me
It's enough to convince me
And I don't wanna box you in
You've been doing big things since the world began
Sometimes I just don't wanna believe
That you're big enough - but you're big enough yeah!
I don't wanna box you in
You've been doing big things since the world began
Sometimes I just don't understand that you're big enough
But you're big enough Jesus!
You turned darkness into light - keep my lamp burning
And you are my everything
There's no denying, your love is so amazing
And even though my problems seem typical
Nothing for you is ever too difficult
You never have reservations - love without limitations
And I don't wanna box you in
You've been doing big things since the world began
Sometimes I just don't wanna believe
That you're big enough - but you're big enough yeah!
And I don't wanna box you in
You've been doing big things since the world began
Sometimes I just don't understand
That you're big enough - but you're big enough
Oh, no matter how I try to get around it - I'm reminded
Wherever I go I'm totally surrounded
It's all about you - I can never doubt you
Even if I wanted to…..."
Friday, April 11, 2008
I don't think this organized religion thing is working out...........
I am meditating a lot on the essential mix of grace and truth in these weeks. I see a serious lack of one or the other in the church, in myself........
In our quest to be correct, to be right, to mark off our checklist we become the very pharisees we claim to hate.
I have been praying to see the gospel and understand it in its pristine form.
I am meditating a lot on the essential mix of grace and truth in these weeks. I see a serious lack of one or the other in the church, in myself........
In our quest to be correct, to be right, to mark off our checklist we become the very pharisees we claim to hate.
I have been praying to see the gospel and understand it in its pristine form.
Friday, February 01, 2008
"Be God's......"
We like to be needed. Some of us need to be needed. Many of us believe that God needs us.
I like to be productive. I come by it naturally. Yet in this first month of 2008 I have found my productivity to be driven by guilt. Most of you are familiar with this low grade guilt when you haven't done enough, said enough, produced enough, learned enough. I understand that we were created to do work, serve and learn and that these are good things in balance, yet we were also created to eat, to sleep, to have fun and have reltionships. These are all wonderful yet I have a bent to go to the extreme with all of them. Some is not enough until I find I am swinging way to the left or right on any one of these good things. Extremes come naturally to all of us in our quest to fill ourselves up with anything other than the Lord.
God came to me in the attic of an old rental house in Decatur Georga. It was there that I was saved. I went to the nearest church and told the pastor and for the next few years attended that little church. And though there were wonderful things about it I still struggle with the echos of the "main theme" of that denomination: getting busy for God. I moved on to another denomination whose main them is having God all figured out. Both of these themes are like a feast to the my flesh and they all serve to distract me from our relationship with Jesus on subtle ways. Notice how much more spiritual we think people are who do a lot for God and know a lot about God. It is an illusion. In our over extended, over informed western church our relationships with God are quite shallow. I am not saying that service and theology are not important, yet I should ask myself if these are quietly replacing intimacy with God.
I have been praying about what God wants me to do in 2008. Agonizing over it, really. I realized I have been responding to the two messages planted in me by well meaning organizations, even traditions of man. How much is enough? How much prayer and bible study is enough? How many good works are enough? How much service is enough? How much theology is enough?When am I so bloated from the information and activities that I have gained and checked off that I have forgotten what it means to love God. To love others. I heard someone say that looking like the world used to be about drinking, dancing and swearing. These days the way the church looks like the world is by being busy. I absolutely agree.
I am once again looking very closely at 1 corinthinans 13, as it God brings it to my attention repeatedly. Once again looking at the greatest commandment and seeing again my lack of love for God and for others. Back to the beginning I return to start over. And the words of Rich Mullins speak so clearly to me: "Be God's."
I like to be productive. I come by it naturally. Yet in this first month of 2008 I have found my productivity to be driven by guilt. Most of you are familiar with this low grade guilt when you haven't done enough, said enough, produced enough, learned enough. I understand that we were created to do work, serve and learn and that these are good things in balance, yet we were also created to eat, to sleep, to have fun and have reltionships. These are all wonderful yet I have a bent to go to the extreme with all of them. Some is not enough until I find I am swinging way to the left or right on any one of these good things. Extremes come naturally to all of us in our quest to fill ourselves up with anything other than the Lord.
God came to me in the attic of an old rental house in Decatur Georga. It was there that I was saved. I went to the nearest church and told the pastor and for the next few years attended that little church. And though there were wonderful things about it I still struggle with the echos of the "main theme" of that denomination: getting busy for God. I moved on to another denomination whose main them is having God all figured out. Both of these themes are like a feast to the my flesh and they all serve to distract me from our relationship with Jesus on subtle ways. Notice how much more spiritual we think people are who do a lot for God and know a lot about God. It is an illusion. In our over extended, over informed western church our relationships with God are quite shallow. I am not saying that service and theology are not important, yet I should ask myself if these are quietly replacing intimacy with God.
I have been praying about what God wants me to do in 2008. Agonizing over it, really. I realized I have been responding to the two messages planted in me by well meaning organizations, even traditions of man. How much is enough? How much prayer and bible study is enough? How many good works are enough? How much service is enough? How much theology is enough?When am I so bloated from the information and activities that I have gained and checked off that I have forgotten what it means to love God. To love others. I heard someone say that looking like the world used to be about drinking, dancing and swearing. These days the way the church looks like the world is by being busy. I absolutely agree.
I am once again looking very closely at 1 corinthinans 13, as it God brings it to my attention repeatedly. Once again looking at the greatest commandment and seeing again my lack of love for God and for others. Back to the beginning I return to start over. And the words of Rich Mullins speak so clearly to me: "Be God's."
Tuesday, January 15, 2008
God's snowstorm
taken after I got in from my run.....I have heard many times God's grace described as infinite and abounding and His love as vast and immeasurable. Today I got a concrete real time image of those truth.
When I started my run today is was partly cloudy, cold and we were expecting some snow flurries sometime this afternoon. About ten minutes into my run the wind began to whip and I saw in the distance this massive cluster of dark clouds. I have run in all sorts of weather so I wasn't alarmed nor did it deter me and send me running home. Then I began to see like snowflakes, then more and still more until is was running in a snowstorm. It occurred to me that THIS is like the grace and love of God. A million tiny pieces of light, of grace and love surrounding me from every direction. It seemed the Lord was saying "This is how many times I have loved you. This is the abundance of my grace to you. " It was such a powerful image and lesson.
Though I came home covered in snow and wet and I am certain people thought I was out of my mind I am so glad I stuck it out. It is amazing where God will meet us and I am learning it is everywhere......
When I started my run today is was partly cloudy, cold and we were expecting some snow flurries sometime this afternoon. About ten minutes into my run the wind began to whip and I saw in the distance this massive cluster of dark clouds. I have run in all sorts of weather so I wasn't alarmed nor did it deter me and send me running home. Then I began to see like snowflakes, then more and still more until is was running in a snowstorm. It occurred to me that THIS is like the grace and love of God. A million tiny pieces of light, of grace and love surrounding me from every direction. It seemed the Lord was saying "This is how many times I have loved you. This is the abundance of my grace to you. " It was such a powerful image and lesson.
Though I came home covered in snow and wet and I am certain people thought I was out of my mind I am so glad I stuck it out. It is amazing where God will meet us and I am learning it is everywhere......
Saturday, January 12, 2008
Did I forget tell you that He loved lilies?
As an artist I often struggle with the validity of my work. In the grand scheme of the Kingdom and in this present world the work seems so inconsequential and impractical. I wonder how God can be even remotely interested in what I create. People are starving, suffering greatly the world over. And even in our comfortable and abundant western lives we only have to turn on the news or even just look at the people we know to see the immensity of what it means to live in a fallen world. I am overwhelmed by that reality today.
So I wonder......and then I read something by Rich Mullins this afternoon. He was reflecting on the Sermon on the Mount specifically the lilies of the field, the sparrows and God's provision. My usual way of reading this passage is of course from the lens of just that: God's provision. Yet, Rich begins his writing with "Did I forget to tell you that He loved lilies?" This is an unusual way to think about his passage, but the word is alive.....
God is not practical (remember the vial of perfume?)It is not practical to so clothe the grasses which are here today and gone tomorrow. If fact I might consider it a waste of God's energy. Yet, He has taken the time to do such a thing to reveal to us just how vast His interest is in ALL things concerning creation. And how many sparrows are there in the world? He feeds them and as a matter of fact He knows when the life of one is over.
I am so aware today just how dim the glass is and how distorted my vision is when I see Him. He gives us these fleeting glimpses like a sparkle in our peripheral vision that is gone in an instant. Who is this God?!!! How is it possible that He can show such care for such things??!! The grasses and sparrows are not practical yet they are a grand display of the Lord's beautifully extravagant, intimate care.
So I wonder......and then I read something by Rich Mullins this afternoon. He was reflecting on the Sermon on the Mount specifically the lilies of the field, the sparrows and God's provision. My usual way of reading this passage is of course from the lens of just that: God's provision. Yet, Rich begins his writing with "Did I forget to tell you that He loved lilies?" This is an unusual way to think about his passage, but the word is alive.....
God is not practical (remember the vial of perfume?)It is not practical to so clothe the grasses which are here today and gone tomorrow. If fact I might consider it a waste of God's energy. Yet, He has taken the time to do such a thing to reveal to us just how vast His interest is in ALL things concerning creation. And how many sparrows are there in the world? He feeds them and as a matter of fact He knows when the life of one is over.
I am so aware today just how dim the glass is and how distorted my vision is when I see Him. He gives us these fleeting glimpses like a sparkle in our peripheral vision that is gone in an instant. Who is this God?!!! How is it possible that He can show such care for such things??!! The grasses and sparrows are not practical yet they are a grand display of the Lord's beautifully extravagant, intimate care.
Thursday, January 03, 2008
You are not alone
I am always in awe every moment that I suddenly become aware of the presence of the Lord here and now even in my mundane work. As soon as my eyes open in the morning I feel the presence of the Holy Spirit like another person in the room though unseen. It is hard to put into words......
Of course this is the truth of John 14:16 - 21 in real concrete life.
16"I will ask the Father, and He will give you another Helper, that He may be with you forever;
17that is the Spirit of truth, whom the world cannot receive, because it does not see Him or know Him, but you know Him because He abides with you and will be in you.
18"I will not leave you as orphans; I will come to you.
19"After a little while the world will no longer see Me, but you will see Me; because I live, you will live also.
20"In that day you will know that I am in My Father, and you in Me, and I in you.
21"He who has My commandments and keeps them is the one who loves Me; and he who loves Me will be loved by My Father, and I will love him and will disclose Myself to him."
How amazing it is that he Lord of Glory chooses to live with and in me at every moment in every task. Because of this precious gift we live always before Him. Our day to day lives are a miraculous intimate communion with the Lord who made all thing and holds all things together by the power of His being. I am completely in awe of that truth today and it shakes me out of my complacency and gives me great comfort....even while vacuuming.
Of course this is the truth of John 14:16 - 21 in real concrete life.
16"I will ask the Father, and He will give you another Helper, that He may be with you forever;
17that is the Spirit of truth, whom the world cannot receive, because it does not see Him or know Him, but you know Him because He abides with you and will be in you.
18"I will not leave you as orphans; I will come to you.
19"After a little while the world will no longer see Me, but you will see Me; because I live, you will live also.
20"In that day you will know that I am in My Father, and you in Me, and I in you.
21"He who has My commandments and keeps them is the one who loves Me; and he who loves Me will be loved by My Father, and I will love him and will disclose Myself to him."
How amazing it is that he Lord of Glory chooses to live with and in me at every moment in every task. Because of this precious gift we live always before Him. Our day to day lives are a miraculous intimate communion with the Lord who made all thing and holds all things together by the power of His being. I am completely in awe of that truth today and it shakes me out of my complacency and gives me great comfort....even while vacuuming.
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