Saturday, September 17, 2011
I was so grateful my mom was able to come spend a few days with me. I mom raised me and my sister alone, and though at times our lives were difficult, she did everything is her power to provide for us and make certain her daughters were safe and loved.
God gives me a passage of scripture for either the night before or morning of radiation days. I take the index card with me to meditate on while I am in the waiting room or on the machine. Psalm 34 came to me in the night.
Honestly, I felt fearful yesterday. I saw more hair falling into the sink and heard a story of a boy who has battled brain cancer since four and now at nine has a fourth inoperable return with increasing deficits. He will not live. My practice of surrendering daily to Christ seemed to elude me until I truly savored the words. His instructions and promises moved me to that place again of unclenching little trinkets of doubt that though may be in the future, I am powerless to control. Because I KNOW Him, and I believe He is who He says He is, He can do what He says He can do I can let Him take it. I have seen Him move in my life far too many times now to go back....to try to BE Him.
''I will bless the LORD at all times;
His praise shall continually be in my mouth.
My soul will make its boast in the LORD;
The humble will hear it and rejoice.
O magnify the LORD with me,
And let us exalt His name together.
I sought the LORD, and He answered me,
And delivered me from all my fears.
They looked to Him and were radiant,
And their faces will never be ashamed.
This poor woman cried, and the LORD heard him
And saved her out of all her troubles.
The angel of the LORD encamps around those who fear Him,
And rescues them.
O taste and see that the LORD is good;
How blessed is the man who takes refuge in Him!
O fear the LORD, you His saints;
For to those who fear Him there is no want.
The young lions do lack and suffer hunger;
But they who seek the LORD shall not be in want of any good thing.
Come, you children, listen to me;
I will teach you the fear of the LORD.
Who is the woman who desires life
And loves length of days that he may see good?
Keep your tongue from evil
And your lips from speaking deceit.
Depart from evil and do good;
Seek peace and pursue it.
The eyes of the LORD are toward the righteous
And His ears are open to their cry.
The face of the LORD is against evildoers,
To cut off the memory of them from the earth.
The righteous cry, and the LORD hears
And delivers them out of all their troubles.
The LORD is near to the brokenhearted
And saves those who are crushed in spirit.
Many are the afflictions of the righteous,
But the LORD delivers him out of them all.
He keeps all his bones,
Not one of them is broken.
Evil shall slay the wicked,
And those who hate the righteous will be condemned.
The LORD redeems the soul of His servants,
And none of those who take refuge in Him will be condemned."