Tuesday, September 06, 2011

Day Nine

Radiation was pretty uneventful today. I am happy to have had a few days break and no post headache today.

Craig took this photo this morning. I won't go into the multiple side effects of Decadron, but those of us who have to take it for an extended period get what is called"moon face" (I prefer "moonpie face" 'cos it's funny...) When I look in the mirror, I look like a stranger. It's a funny thing to have been so active, fit and capable and be brought to a place that I barely climb the stairs or lift anything. As a weight trainer and runner, watching this dramatic change, a narrowing some of the passions of my life, has been both a sorrow and a grace.

Through brain cancer, I see is how the Lord has taken away so that I can truly see what is eternal and what truly has value. I have opportunity to examine myself. There are many things that are good, like exercise and taking care of the body, but they are not always the BEST thing. The good things we do often keep us from focusing on the best or wisest thing for us. Often times they even become obsessions that take over our lives, exhibit a narcissistic preoccupation with ourselves and need to control. Of course, this sort of thing can manifest in all kinds of behaviors. Name it. We all do it.

The physical body is perishing. Make no mistake. Take care of it, exercise, eat well and do all you can. But we are all terminal. This is a reality to me now that has come into my life in just the last six weeks. I am grateful for the gift of this narrowing life this whittling down so that I can see.

"Therefore we do not lose heart, but though our outer man is decaying, yet our inner man is being renewed day by day. For momentary, light affliction is producing for us an eternal weight of glory far beyond all comparison, while we look not at the things which are seen, but at the things which are not seen ; for the things which are seen are temporal, but the things which are not seen are eternal." 2 Cor 4:16-18


Patte said...

Such clarity, and such a difficult path to it's discovery.
I am thinking good thoughts for you, your art, your health, your head. But aside from the physical, you seem in a better place than many. Still I am wishing that understanding and enlightenment had a much easier means for you, for us all. Looking for a miracle, maybe it's already in the works.
Love, PO

Patte said...

Such clarity, but I am sorry you have had such a difficult path to it's discovery. I am thinking good thoughts of you, your art, your health, your head and wishing I knew a secret to ease the way. But aside from the physical, you seem in a better place than many including me. Still I ask for a miracle but perhaps one is already in the works. Sounds like it.

Kathleen Lewis said...

We love you Tracey and you are so much more than what we see when we look at you. I love your use of "whittling" in describing the process of focusing on what is the core. The other stuff is chaff when compared to what is truth and everlasting, and the real we cannot see but know.

Anonymous said...

Thank you for sharing the wisdom and enlightenment. That is a blessing for me. May you continue to heal and grow strong again.

~ Kathleen

Allison said...

Tracey - I know your mother-in-law from CBS (bible study)...keeping you in my prayers! You are very wise, and I have no doubt that the Lord will heal you - His way, His time.

Peace and love!

Allison K

Maureen said...

You're an inspiration.

So pleased to hear no headache today.